I need advice [girl talk]?

Okay well this is really really hard to explain. Well theres this guy and i really like him he's turning 19 im turning 17 soon and hes looks like a punk rocker slash emo guy i guess thats what people always tell me at least. im sorta the same too, but ive been getting really close to him lately which i thought woud never ever happen, hes like a really good friend of my brother, but my bro is always saying to him "bro i trust you with my sister out of anybody" you know stuff like that but idk. haha its crazzy cos last friday i was at a kickback with a lot of my friends and him<3 buhh i was really really wasted and blown cos we smoked some purp anshit but i was out on the stairs chillen smoking a cigo and he comes out of the apt. and come sits next to me and is like whatsup with this really gorgeous smile xD makes me weak thinking about it >_< anywayys alot happened that night like ugh you dont wanna knoww haha i cant even remember half the night buht im so silent when im around him and he makes me feel really insecure he will just sit there and stare at me with him gorgeous eyes it makes me nervous haha but he's grab my hand all the time and start like massaging it and ****. but idk he makess me feel so happy :) but im not so suree about jumping into a relationship with anybody.. thats just too much. Ever since the year changed to 2011 my whole world has not been the same! ive changed so much i dont even know who i am anymore, i really dont its crazzy. i mean he is the guy i always told myself i would never ******* be with or be around. but yet i am falling so hard for the guy. i dont even really know him either. ive also done ecstacy because i found out he does it all the time and it was so intimidating. but ive never tried so hard in my 16 years of life hahaha this **** is soo weird. many of you are probably laughing at me right nwo. im such an awkward wierd asss person i swear it x] but whenever its just me and him i havee no clue at all what to say.. one time we were outside sitting with eachother for awhile.. lol it was like 5am and we went back inside around 8 in the morning, so we sat out there for a hot minute pretty much silent as hell just looking at eachothe i ask him if he gets bored he says no but who knows lol. i mean im just not used to this. last time i was with a guy was 7/30/09 and ive never been with someone like this ever since. ahhh its crazy ive never felt this much for someone though eerg i act so ******** corny around him.. it sucks too cos he used to live right down the st. from me but now he moved to another town away really suckss i dont ever get to see him only when theres a kick back at the homies which my brother is always at its hard to get him alone sometimes and i know it makes him feel wierd to be together in front of my bro. like the other night i wass so drunk i walked into one of the rooms that was pure darkness and then he comes in closes the door and lays down next to where im sleeping i dont remember much but i ended up laying down on top of him making out with him we didnt have sex, we were just you know idk haha um... well we ended up both having hickeys ahh i dont even think i did it right mannn i feel really dumb though i really do i said some dumb *** ****, i hate being that ******* wasted man -_- i dont know what to do or say when im around him does anyone have any advice for my stoopid ***? haha sheet...................................…